Trump: Proof that America actually does have a sense of humour

You know you’re in for a shit movie when the villains’ name gives the game away – Synonyms for “Trump”: Luck, Support, Resources, Leg-up, Asset, Gain, Favour, Profit, Interest, Influence, Leverage, Protection, Superiority, Dominance, Ascendancy.



You should go and love yourself.

Love yourself

“Are there any decent men out there?!” – No. There are well over 7 billion people in the world none of which are good enough for you, you perfect twat.

If you are one of those people that say: “All women are this”, or “All men are that”, then I’m sorry to say it but you, my darling are part of the problem. In fact there’s a good to fair chance that you possess many of the traits that you are trying to define everyone else with.

But don’t panic! This isn’t an attack, consider it more of a wake-up call. Just because you’re likely a bit of a bell-end it doesn’t mean that you are destined to be alone, it simply means that if you are to find a suitable partner you first have to start by taking a long and hard look at yourself before you can assume that the fault lies with everybody else.

And don’t get me wrong, I’ve been there myself! When looking back at previous relationships I always used to pick the other person apart, highlighting their faults and all of the things they did that pissed me off; when the reality was that I was just as bad as them and in some cases even fucking worse! It was a self-defence mechanism I relied on so that I didn’t have to face the fact that I’m not perfect either.

But that doesn’t mean that I am undesirable or that I’ll be unable to find the perfect partner to share my life with. What it means is that if I learn from my mistakes, recognise the traits that I found undesirable in others and acknowledge my many faults then I’ll have a greater chance of engaging the right people and building a stronger relationship the next time around.

But who knows? Perhaps you’ve had a really shitty run at things and you’ve genuinely gone into every single relationship with everything you had. You were kind, courteous, selfless, patient and empathetic and yet still you were treated like utter shit…and while that really sucks for you, you’re clearly choosing the wrong people! Nobody can force you into a relationship, but you can certainly rush into one. Stop being afraid of being alone! It’s better to be on your own than instead being with someone that looks straight through you.

First of all you need to learn to love yourself. And believe me, if you think that you already do and yet continue to subject yourself to the wrong people then you really do not love yourself at all. – “We accept the love we think we deserve”.

And many people confuse self-love with arrogance which could not be further from the truth. To love yourself is to embrace your flaws and be thankful for the decent qualities that you possess. To be arrogant is to ignore your flaws entirely and believe that you’re on a different playing field to all those around you – know the difference.

There are an unthinkable number of amazing people out there who could be the perfect fit for you, you just have to look a little harder to spot them. And that is often the problem…if you’re ignorant enough to say: “All men are this”, or “All women are that”, then you’re more than likely entering every relationship solely based on the physical appearance and social status of the other person.

And yes I understand that it is vastly important to find your partner sexually attractive, however if you write a person off instantaneously because they don’t fit this particular aesthetic ‘type’ that you have reserved for yourself then you’re significantly reducing your chances of finding the right person for you.

Have you ever had a conversation with somebody who you misjudged prior to talking to them? And then felt a little bad inside because your first thoughts were something along the lines of: “Oh great, this person’s clearly going to be a cunt.”

It’s happened to all of us at one point or another because we are conditioned to judge a person by their appearance. In fact, it has happened to me before where somebody actually apologised to me because their first thoughts were somewhat unsavoury – all they saw was a big, bearded, British skinhead and assumed the worst. Then after a few moments of conversation they learned that they could not have been further from the truth.

Well, the same applies to love. The truth is that nobody has a ‘type’, only a certain aesthetic look that they desire based on what they have been conditioned to find physically attractive, and that’s fine – if you’re lucky enough to find somebody that fits that description AND happens to be intellectually, spiritually and emotionally compatible with you at the same time.

Everyone’s breath smells of shit in the morning and as much as we’d all love to find the perfect person you’d have to be a fucking moron to believe that if in the event such a person existed that they would want to be with you. While you may prefer men with a full head of hair, perfect abs, a gorgeous smile, a wonderfully chizzled, symmetrical face and an eight inch penis – I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you may have to settle for six.

And I am not saying that you have to consider every cock-eyed mong and his dog, all I am saying is that you have to adjust your priorities a little if you are to increase your chances at finding somebody that isn’t going to ultimately make you feel like shit, thus rendering you one of those pitiful, bitter tossers that constantly updates their status with the likes of “Men are scum”, or “Why are women such sluts?”

If you’ve said something like this at some stage don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed, seriously, because you’ll be wasting your time. I’ve expressed a similar attitude before and it is a perfectly natural thing to feel at times, especially when you’re alone and looking for love and all you seem to come across is rejection or inadequacy.

Love is an incredibly confusing and often frustrating beast and if you are to successfully tame it then first you need to exercise a little patience. You can’t run into the woods with your cock in your hand shouting “FEED ME” at the top of your lungs and expect a delicious slab of venison to lay down before you, lubricious and wanting…nor should you stalk in the shadows and pounce on your unsuspecting prey either; nobody likes a rapist.

Just relax, take a deep breath and focus on yourself for now. The right person will present themselves when the time is opportune, but first you have to pamper yourself and shape your life into something to be desired. Become the type of person that you’d want to fall in love with and the universe will handle the rest.





What lies beneath

What lies beneath

the sapphire expanse
riddles beneath a sky
painted fair

through cerulean eyes
we dive into the depths
of a distant stare

where tears share
flavour with the howl
of a primordial storm

and rarefied desires
suffocate beneath the
archipelago of forgotten

how many unanswered
prayers layer the abyssal

for every shipwreck in
a bottle there’s a message
that couldn’t fit

where the spectre’s of pelagic
pathfinders wade through
voluminous azure

the undying prisoners drown
for entirety amidst a pitch
and opalescent allure




authors notes…

primordial: existing at or from the beginning of time; primeval.

rarefied: distant from the lives and concerns of ordinary people; esoteric.

archipelago: a sea or stretch of water having many islands.

abyssal: relating to or denoting the depths or bed of the ocean

spectre: a ghost

pelagic: relating to the open sea.

voluminous: very lengthy and detailed


Black Rain

Calligraphers glance through the mist
translating raindrops to blackest ink,
writing the night for our perusal

While shadows compose symphonies
before a sympathetic moon as though
they’re dying for the lights approval

We search for dreaming giants
behind the ambiguity of a rarefied
horizon, glistening like empyrean eyes

The bitter air biting our entirety
reminding us that in-spite of death,
we’re still alive

The Art of Creation

The Art of Creation

In this internet age we have unlimited access to some phenomenal things and that can be incredibly discouraging at times.

You’ll find that it’s often easier to sit and watch, read or listen to someone else create something incredible and worry that you’d never be able achieve anything quite like it yourself, so you don’t bother trying at all.

But for the record to create something average is a far-cry more impressive than creating nothing at all  and even if you never achieve anything earth-shattering; I guarantee that you’ll have an amazing time in the process.

You see, that’s what I think life is all about: Creation. Don’t overthink the meaning of life, simply find something that makes sense to you and make the most of it!

You could argue that we’ve been exploring our artistic side for well over 45, 000 years and if it weren’t for our lack of archaeological evidence we might have a more accurate idea.One thing is for certain though; as a species we are unique in our inventive curiosity and artistic versatility.

We’re at our happiest when we’re expressing ourselves and sharing our passions and achievements with others.I’ve been writing for a little while now but not nearly long enough to instill me with that prodigylistic confidence that a gifted six year old pianist most likely feels. (Just made prodigylistic up, don’t care)

Don’t let your age dictate what you can and can’t do! It’s never too late to pick up an old guitar and strum your way toward a life full of harmony. And while I’m confident there’s a good chance that I will never write anything ground-breaking, I’ve already moved a few people which has to count for something.

I’ve learned that most people don’t really give a shit, but the feeling that I get when somebody asks me to write something personally or an unexpected person refers to something that I’ve written and tells me about how it affected them ; well I can’t really explain it – it’s something that you’d have to experience for yourself.

And people tend to see Art in a very ‘black and white’ light but it is truly a spectrum with such incredible potential. Even if nobody else can see it; if it makes sense to you and inspires your imagination then it is an art-form in it’s own right.

I contest that cooking is a form of art though most would argue otherwise. If you gain great pleasure from the idea of being able to whip up a delectable dish that people will desire and devour then fucking do it! You can eat out and pay compliments to the chef as often as you like though rather than adopt the “I’d love to be able to cook like that” attitude; you should crack on and do it yourself instead. You’ll offend a few taste buds and likely ruin a lot of good food  in the process but eventually you’ll be baking your friends wedding cakes and catering to those who matter to you most.

It’s no different with creating music. How many people can lie on their deathbed and say: “Well, at least I inspired people to dance!” And I’m the sort of guy that could draw a stick-man wrong, yet how awesome would it be if someone were to want your art tattooed on their body? I can’t draw for shit at the moment but it’s something that I intend to remedy – And why not? I’ll never be able to recreate the New York skyline from memory but I’m sure I’ve the potential to pen something beautiful at the very least; all you can do is try right?

And what about photography? You don’t even have to be in the picture yourself to create an impact. The fact is that you were there witnessing the event in all of its authenticity first-hand; capturing it for all the world to see, for now and forever.

Every breath you spell is the stroke of a pen and you’ve only so much ink in the well. Write a story worth reading!

Whether you’re surfing, running your fingers along the inside of a barrel wave or scoring an impeccable goal; you’re doing something out of the ordinary  – something that isn’t handed to just anyone.You’re doing something admirable; something that people will witness and wish that they could do themselves and the sad part is that they’ll likely never bother trying at all, out of fear of failing.

You may never tear up that 20 foot barrel wave but let’s face it; precious hours spent with your friends at the beach can’t be as miserable as sitting on your arse dreaming about it, surely?

And what I’ve found is that for the most part the process of writing and feeling my own ability develop has been reason enough. Even if barely anybody else pays attention I can feel my hard work taking effect and it encourages me to carry on creating.

Art is a personal pursuit that is incredibly fulfilling regardless to whether or not other people enjoy it, and if they do then it will bring you all the more satisfaction.That’s the beauty of it; art comes from a place that we’ve all been, only far too many people fail to revisit.

Whether you enjoy tinkering around with gadgets, customising old clothes, knitting funky hats or baking beautiful cakes; sculpting statues, carving wood, creating pottery or writing code, painting miniatures, composing powerful scores, perfecting card tricks or nurturing a blossoming garden; the fact is that you’ll be leaving an impression behind that shows the world that you were here, that your time wasn’t wasted.

It’s not about money or fame…once you find your passion you’ll have all of the wealth you need.If anybody ribs or takes the piss out of you for  pursuing your passions then they’re just the sort of cunt that you need to cut out of your life anyway so fuck them off!

And if that only leaves you with a handful of loved ones; well you can only juggle so many diamonds anyway.

Read Me

Read Me

Your life is series of haphazard chapters compiled in a gripping page-turner and the trouble is that most people these days are far too lazy to read.

Instead they notice a few worn edges and turn their noses up because they’re looking for a flawless picture book to flick through. If only they knew that with a little time and investment they could open you up and explore a world of unimaginable authenticity.

There may be a few ropy and regretful chapters within but they’re a necessary part of your narrative. Your mistakes and wrongdoings are a reference point etched into the pages of history to serve in guiding you toward a perfect ending.

You have to break a heart before you can understand how to mend one; just as you need your heart broken if you’re to know what it truly feels like to be in love.

Don’t allow your past to consume your present – precious moments, finite in supply thrown away on the invariable recollections of a guilty conscience.

Let go of any past grudges; the person they were at the time no longer exists – And in the same breath if somebody is harboring any resentment toward you don’t let it drag you down; your mistakes do not define you as a person they merely helped shape you into who you are today.

Hatred is an unnecessary and poisonous idea that when pondered for too long amalgamates with your entirety rendering you worn and discoloured.

Instead you should nourish your life with love and watch as the seeds of decency blossom into bright smiles that beam with endearment.

You are the author.



Silentious whispers
waltz beneath the willows
as raindrops tap dance
through unsuspecting meadows…

There is as much beauty in chaos
as there is chaos in beauty
in that a thunderstorm is both awe-inspiring
and devastating
irregardless to where you are standing.

And so she tears through the silent night
with auspicious intentions,
woefully neglecting your wanting desire.
Convenience is nowhere
to be found within her vocabulary
as there are no longer subtle hints in the breeze –
only vicious tempests of ascendancy.




Your life has been a series of
mistakes that you’d regret each
morning if it weren’t for the
fact that you sleep until noon.

That’s the beauty of dreaming
your life away; your fears turn
to inaction and then before long
you never have any trouble
sleeping at all…

Because your reality becomes the
nightmare that you’ve been afraid
of all this time and when the
paralysis sets you find yourself
screaming a muted whisper in
the dusk – and nobody is listening.

There’s someone home but the lights
are off so get up and flip the switch
of indecision and put those bright
ideas into practice!

The sun will rise but unless you’re sat
by a window of opportunity you’re
going to miss it…again and again until
you no longer know what direction
in which you’re supposed to look.

Don’t sit around and wait for the morning
light to crawl through the cracks in the curtains;
draw them back and let the warmth remind
you of the new day that’s dawning.

Lunar Bloom

Lunar Bloom

prepare your angel
veiled invasion

glimmer lazy rays
of white

rise in silence

infatuating through
the night


painting solar

on this boundless
raven page

and swelling ethereal

from your interstellar


tide my soul with

through my hands
your ink-suffuse

i’m in orbit of your
shapely grace
sagacious lunar muse